I totally forgot about the BOFH archives. I have to admit to sympathising with the minority of Sysadmins who abuse their beloved Lusers – we all know tough love is so much more character building for our victims in the long term so its nice to have it all documented. My favourite quote this week from BOFH has got to be this - “You’ve got to think of it in terms of sticks and carrots,” I say to the PFY, “because users are complex - but stupid - stubborn animals, like donkeys.”

The good news is that most Sysadmin folks are normally ‘people people’ who don’t like to play the ‘blame game’ or get dragged into bureaucratic arguments when the health & safety officer needs a 6 month notice period to open a door so we can run a network cable 3 feet – If you cut us, angels will come out – were the good guys.

Anyhoo, BOFH – Its worth rediscovering

With Windows Vista being a bit of a duff operating system, one has to ask whether Windows 7 will actually offer anything more. Do we really need another version of Windows? For those that experienced the insanity of working on the blue screens of the previous years, there’s a lot of people out there quite happy now to just roll along with 2003’s XP release that seems to do the job quite fine. On the same note, do we really need to update versions of Office any further?

It seems with Office 2007, the ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it rule’ has been neglected by Microsoft. People just aren’t interest in learning their new ribbon interface. Yes, in theory it probably does have loads of benefits, but the general office worker doesn’t have time to retrain on a product they already ‘know’. Windows 7 does seem to have been hailed as a big step forward, but with the economic downturn expected to be around for a while, I expect XP will be quite enough, for quite sometime.

Piggybacking your neighbours internet connection – is that legal? Well if you’ve got their permission, you can knock yourself out. Otherwise, as a 16 year old lad in Lincolnshire recently found out – Wi-Fi pinching is a very arrestable offence. The lad was hauled down the police station after his neighbour complained his connection was running slow and spotted the boy’s laptop had been allocated an IP address by the DHCP server. Not exactly crime of the century but it did get me thinking, if you leave your car unlocked with the keys in the ignition – would you still be insured? Probably not.

Here’s my solution – every wireless router should come pre-installed with a unique password as standard. We already do this for software, whereby a unique serial number is needed to unlock the software – why not replicate this on wireless emitting devices? On the packaging of every wi-fi router would be a unique 16 digit code that relates back to that device only. Obviously, passwords and encrypted codes can be changed but initially the device would be secure from the start.

I am not saying this is exactly how it should be done but the bottom line is – securing wireless internet connections should be made compulsory. Dishonestly obtaining free internet access is technically an offence under the Communication Act 2003. If the administration is keen to enforce this law then the router manufacturers are ultimately making us all victims until we read the technical support manual. The minor involved was eventually let off after it was revealed he already had his own internet connection and accidentally clicked on the wrong wireless signal. Combine this with the high volume of illegal file sharers hijacking other connections – things need to change!

Secure wireless routers straight out the box – who said change had to be complicated?

Employees at a well known software company in the US are currently trialling one of the first public BYOC (bring your own computer) programs. Employees can enrol in a three year voluntary program that will see them receive $2100 to buy a laptop of their choice and look after maintenance during that time. Other technology companies are rumoured to be following suite but keeping things firmly under the radar.

The integrity of this scheme regarding the boundaries of work and home life are definitely up for debate. As much as it’s unhealthy to bring work home during personal hours, it could also prove to be unproductive for employees to bring personal media centres into work during office hours. Workers who are taking part in BYOC are apparently lapping up the chance to be able to express their geek cred at work and use devices they feel most comfortable with.

Bearing in mind the company involved estimate it will reduce their IT costs by 20% a year, it has all the hallmarks of a mastermind manoeuvre. Reduce costs, encourage employees to work out of hours and bill it as a perk – that’s genius.

Watching the news headlines over the last few days, one can’t help feeling not that things are just bad at the moment, but rather that our very existence is at stake (with a little over-active imagination, maybe). I’m sure there are plenty of people out there having flashbacks to the post 2000 dot-com bubble burst and trying to think what the battle plan should be as budgets are cut.

So how does the IT pro stay alive in a recession, how do you stop your job being outsourced? How can one point out the savings, the efficiency and productivity gains and the future business opportunities to the directors, keen to cut heads and keen to cut spending on kit. It’s a tricky one, but an essential skill to be mastered nonetheless, not taught in a manual or training course. One shouldn’t assume anything and especially one shouldn’t assume anything isn’t worth communicating, but as we battle against the crunch, will our standards start to slide as we struggle to stay alive? Are we all destined to become the sneaky smeagol administrators, jumping to the attention of the chiefs, but neglecting our colleagues and systems in turn? We shall see.

Keeping up with technology is never easy. If only we knew what was around the corner, it would save us all a lot of time and effort learning stuff that becomes obsolete. I’ve been looking into thin client technology recently and I have to admit that everything about it makes total sense.

A shift back to virtual terminals, but with modern server power, gigabit networks and the latest virtualisation technology, I’m thinking this isn’t just for business, but this is what I want in the home as well.For those organisations involved in the recent, highly embarrassing data security breaches, if only they’d run thin-client networks, they’d have known that all the data would have been left safely on the server and not on their employees laptops or pc hard drives sold off without thought on eBay.

Environmentally, thin clients use a lot less power, so they’re nice and green for the business. If they develop into the home, I suppose we’d probably end up installing terminals in every room, so we might end up burning the same, but it’s still miles better than evolving with the desktop or laptop.

For some system administrators, thin-clients computing could be the Holy Grail they have been searching for, representing the total disarmament of the user and the total empowerment to themselves. It’s certainly something I’ll be looking into further.

No, it’s not the latest craze to come out of Manhattan. Keyboard sniffing is the recent development of keyboard related eavesdropping. Swiss boffins have worked out a way of recovering full or partial keystrokes via radio antenna which pick up on the electromagnetic radiation emitted from typing. One of the attacks was shown to work at over a distance of 20 metres with researchers stressing the technique will be significantly improved with the use of better equipment.

I can’t help thinking that this story has been released without anybody actually typing at a normal speed. Let’s redo the research whilst typing at the usual 20-30 words per minute and include some typos. I would also suggest we incorporate keyboard sniffing technology with some sound word processing software to correct any grammatical mistakes. While were at it, let’s also bear in mind the possibility that there may be more than one keyboard in the room – how does this affect the sniff? Please excuse my slightly sceptical tone as I try to work out how the electromagnetic radiation emitted from an ‘A’ key could be any different to other keys on the keyboard? How will variations in keyboard manufacturing effect the sniff? Will it pick up on capital letters?

This is definitely James Bond territory and as with all stories of this nature, I am surprised it ended up on a BBC news website to be made public. The whole idea of spy technology is to be low key and covert. As keyboard sniffing evolves, so too will ‘Keyboard Handkerchiefing’ to combat the issue. Keyboard Handkerchiefing is a relatively new term made up this morning by System Hero to describe the reaction of suspicious looking characters who will inevitably devise new technology to wipe the noses of keyboard sniffers. I could go on but you get my drift!.

So it’s started at last, with Nokia’s announcement of its Z-Wave Home Control Center, you’ll be able to turn the kettle and heating on before you get home. Presumably you’ll still need a robot to actually fill up the kettle, but that’s just a formality. The platform will allow you to access via a web enabled mobile browser, so no matter where you are in the world you’ll be able to keep a close eye on things. This is the future, but it’s also going to be the most tempting hacker challenge ever. Once the systems are up and running, there’s going to be whole armies of hackers all over the world, bubbling over with excietement at the prospsect of switching your home appliances to the max when you’re slaving away at the office. See Nokia Home Control Center for details.

I have seen a few things in my time but have just heard of a new virus that really does sets new heights of bare faced cheek. Weirdly, the virus is being spread through parking violation tickets. The parking tickets advise motorists to proceed to a website to view photographic evidence & details of their vehicle violation. Once on the site, further instructions urge them to download a toolbar to view the image – of course the tool bar is actually an exe file installing a Trojan virus. This is then followed up post reboot with the whole ‘please install fake antivirus software before your pc explodes’ prompt.

I am not sure if it’s the new tactic or the blatant cheek that gets me here – I expect we will see a few more ‘real world’ lures hitting us in the next few years – the innovative little skamps.

In the news this week, there’s been much about the cloud computing and it makes me wonder where we’ll all end up. As online solutions take over from server and pc software installations and pc o/s run without fault (well some of them), one ever gets the feeling that IT pros are destined to get transported away from company work floors and bleeping backrooms and into the new wave of giant SaaS and IaaS providers

Whether we manage to avoid all one-on-one communication with users is perhaps on the horizon as virtual meetings & remote desktops are replacing the need for physical presence. I’d personally prefer not to webcam and would be quite happy presenting end user with an avatar, perhaps of an axe wielding dwarf or like, but that’s another story.

So the question is for me is not if it will happen, but how long will it take? Sometimes I think an overnight solution will have been created to usurp the whole current framework of the way we work in one fell swoop. Scrap the Ethernet network and replace it with mobile 3G at ever increasing speeds. Stop spending thousands on office software and let us all use free online document solutions (just a case of them all working together). Ship off the email system and let someone else worry about our anti-virus and delivery issues. Then there’s the CRM and other solutions, there are plenty of providers out there ready to do the jobs at a lower cost. Once all that’s out the way all we’re down to is backups which we don’t need any more as that’s all handled by the solution providers – hopefully, so they can go too. Blackberries and mobile devices can be supported by someone else. Whether the printers will stand the pace of change is unknown, but perhaps the new eBook readers and whiteboards can put them to sleep. Just left with the server doing authentication, but authenticating for what now? All the authentication is done online and it’s a lot more secure? Maybe, and then, maybe not.

From now on all new IT workers will still start off their careers on the office floor, learning about how user’s logic works. After 2 years of hell, they will be saved by the mothership in the cloud and deposited safely into the strong-hold of technology control-centres, ever to be thankful and swearing never to go back.

It was inevitable that a system like this would eventually be put in place. Dam you ethical and technical restraints for making this take so long!

Officially, government ministers are considering plans to spend an estimated 12 billion on a database to monitor and store Britain’s emails, texts and calls in order to fight terrorism. I definitely think they have missed a trick with this - let’s go one step further and start charging an ‘email tax’ on all personal and commercial emails. If they are going to monitor every piece of dialogue that goes on in the UK, why not tax it as well - that way the governing bodies responsible will have ongoing and potentially unlimited funding. This also has the added benefit of reducing bad jokes from being circulated on the web and generally cut down distractive electronic literature from the work place. Ultimately this will lead to a more productive work environment, saving corporations thousands and effectively justifying the email tax – obvious. While were at it, as everyone has a broadband internet connection, it would also make sense to have a compulsory government webcam in each house to really seal the voyeuristic deal.

In all seriousness, the problem of terrorism is no laughing matter. On the other hand, a huge database containing masses of potentially sensitive information is also nothing short of a terrorist blackmailing time bomb. The very fact this initiative has been publically documented will have already compromised national security should this scheme become reality. The big hitters in the organised crime and terrorist world will find new ways to communicate, while the rest of us become increasingly at risk from government related data security breaches.

I still laugh now, when I remember discovering the IT manager I first worked for had installed SETI@home software on our company server. Certainly, the use of our powerful server at the time to search for intelligent life with millions of others around the globe was a worthy use of resource. I have to admit I think I must have uninstalled my own copy after a few months after being disappointed at finding nothing myself. Like many others at the time, I didn’t think much about taking part in one of the first Grid Computing experiments on Earth. Although I haven’t started buying books on it yet, with recent developments, it certainly looks like it is set to trigger the fastest development in human achievements to date.

There are plenty of projects going on. The Worldwide Large Hadron Collider Grid (WLCG), is using 140 computer centres around the world from 33 countries. Biological scientists are using grid computing to work on research projects in parallel. SAFE have recently announced a distributed computing grid system for comparing software intellectual property using its CodeSuite of tools, dramatically increasing the speed at which comparisons can be done.

A sysadmin recently used a grid of 75 computers to find the largest ever prime number, with 13 million digits. Not sure what we’re going to do with it, but clever stuff all the same.

The mind only boggles at the exponential speed that grid computing can and is already making for discoveries, such as analysing the data from the genome project. One day perhaps we’ll have collected so much data; we’ll be able to use the grids to tell us what to do with our lives and what to buy for our wives.

Just when you thought you’d have to learn a different language to do business in a foreign country, Gmail puts in a translator, putting us a step closer to breaking down one of the biggest barriers in the world - language. What may just get thrown in as a small press announcement may one day be hailed as an evolutionary step for humankind.

You only have to go one step further and get the voice to text technology working properly and although it may be a bit messy, we are surely only a few steps short of live universal translation services (well, maybe not quite universal - if we’re not alone on this planet

I haven’t tried it out yet, but one things for sure - it’s a dream for spammers all over the world.

Posted by: spod

20% of UK employees would take a pay cut in favour of a more flexible approach to the working week. These were the results of a survey conducted by Citrix Online amongst 500 of their employees and 230 small businesses. I have to admit to relating to these results after several years of m25 traffic and countless cold dinners - it always feels like the evening is cut considerably shorter by the commute and unpredictable finishing times. The home work life balance is more like a sea saw ride with Nelly on the other end.

Anyhoo, the seamless remote collaboration is becoming increasingly attractive although there are a few security issues to overcome before we all set up shop in the spare room. I am just gutted the fourth national work from home day was kept such a good secret.

Simply awesome

Ever since I read this article about Eutelsat launching it’s satellite broadband across Europe over the next year, I’ve been thinking about buying a cheap run-down old villa somewhere in Europe. Certainly this service has the potential to open up teleworking from anywhere. All you’ll need is an electricity supply, your EU passport and a shelter and you could be sunning it up working remotely in a villa while servicing your office via remote access and Skype. OK, £400 set-up is a bit of a hit, but £30 a month certainly brings the costs into the realms of reality for all who want to take to the hills and ditch the UK’s extortionate housing market. At last, there’s no real excuse to work in concrete cities, choking on car exhaust fumes and getting mugged by urban lunatics. Get ready to pack your bags and go!

Posted by: spod

If you have never thought about it – you need to see this

Possibly the best pitch ever

No one would deny our current economic state has taken a bit of a nose dive recently and quite frankly I apologise in advance for writing another analytical article about the credit crunch. Today I read another piece about how IT workers are prepared to work longer hours for less pay in order to keep their jobs. No doubt the global recession has got people twitchy but I can’t help thinking there must be a few firms out there ready to get their own squeeze out of the crunch. At the best of times, companies are always thinking of ways to reduce costs and increase productivity. So why not add a bit of extra clout by indulging the redundancy rumours that seem to circulate most firms during a recession. There is nothing like the fear factor as an incentive for employees to burn the midnight oil and spend lots of time with the office cleaners whilst cursing the fact their annual salaries don’t include overtime. The simple fact is – the human brain is not productive after 8 hours in front of a VDU – too much emphasis is placed on turning up on time but rarely do we have the confidence to question punctuality when it comes to leaving on time. It’s easier said than done but there is infinite value in a good work & home life balance - Ride the crunch and come out the other side without a heart condition!

And so, it’s happened already. The government is now telling Mexicans to stay indoors for the next five days. Presumably, this step is one short of ‘ordering’, but still pretty crazy stuff. In the UK, we’re still in our tough-nut laugh at anything mode, more interested in making jokes about swine flu than taking it seriously yet. We’ll just wait until the day that everyone takes it seriously and then panic.

5 days in doors, eh? That would drive most of us nuts, although WOW fans probably won’t notice the difference. Get a few tubs of ice cream and a few pizzas and wait it out. What would the traditional Brit’s do? Stack up on lager, vodka and chips for the week? Let’s just hope we don’t have to do this.
And will 5 days be enough? I doubt it, but we shall see. No doubt they’ll be a baby boom next year. More people to fit on this ever shrinking planet.

Posted by: spod

Ok so the Pirate Bay has launched an appeal – no big surprises there, weirdly though it’s also prompted a response from Google who have been dragged into this steaming pile of mess because PB made the point of comparison between their platform and Google. It connects users to content via links – that’s it. And of course there’s the added caveat of being able to find torrent files through Google which would sort of make them an accessory. The nuts and bolts have been turning the whole time weighing up this debate and it’s a sticky one. Pirate Bay is a website that can be used legally and illegally by its users. On that principle, all car manufacturers throughout the world should be taken to court for providing vehicles that are capable of breaking the speed limit – again, they can be used legally and illegally. Surely with so many deaths from speed violations it should be illegal to make a car that can go fast enough to break the law. Sounds like double standards corporate hypocrisy to me – or perhaps it’s that money talking again.